single white male seeking single hot female.

having recently finished my 26th orbit around the sun, i can't help but notice one thing that i've been really missing out on lately. i haven't dated in roughly four years, which i'm more than okay with, as the last two relationships i was involved in went by in a two month-long flurry of insecurity, disrespect, and all-around "badness". no, another girlfriend is about the last thing i need right now. i'm fine with watching my friends who are newly and happily married get their lives in order and buy homes, learning from the decisions they make, playing fake uncle to their children, and waiting for whoever may or may not come along for me.

however, i really want someone to make me mix cds on a regular basis, so i guess this means i should sign up for a chemistry.com profile, see who's out there , and try to force a relationship into working. hopefully whoever she is won't breathe on me after eating yogurt. actually, if she does that it's fine, as long as no cd she ever mixes for me contains a song by jack johnson, which should be legal grounds for an undisputed breakup/divorce in any relationship.

seriously, though. a few weeks ago i was riding in my brother's truck while we were on our way to visit a friend. unfortunately he's still a slave to the 20th century, with no hookup for an ipod in his vehicle and limited space for cd storage. thus we were reduced to repeatedly trying (and failing, in most cases) to figure out and sing along with the harmonies on the self-titled crosby, stills, and nash record, becoming euphorically happy to "this will be our year" by the zombies, and getting a contact high off of the grateful dead's aoxomoxoa. on our little road trip, we were both ready for a change, so i opened up the glove box and thumbed through the reserve case containing maybe 15 more albums. one of the discs sitting in the sleeved case was titled "mary 2." out of curiosity i put it in, and i suddenly felt like i was intruding on some private part of their relationship.

a mix cd can be put together for so many reasons and can act as a brilliant marker for different stages of a relationship. even as i was driving and this whole mix cd idea crossed my mind, i started mentally putting together a mix for my first date with unknown chemistry.com babe #1. here are some of the highlights of our night, which will be set to the first mix that i'll give her.

-dinner at eight, rufus wainwright - during dinner.

-drinkin' wine, beastie boys - after dinner.

-whiskey bottle, uncle tupelo - when the wine runs out.

-i want to love you in my room, irving - when the wine & whiskey have kicked in sufficiently.

-turn out the light, the new amsterdams - during frenching/heavy petting (which, by the way, is the grossest term EVER. petting should only be used in reference to cute kittens and puppies, not for talking about grabbing boobs and asses.)

-scatterbrain (as dead as leaves), radiohead - during a mid-french tangent discussing how my parenthetical thoughts are often longer than the actual thought itself.

-do it, nelly furtado - duh.

-lick it clean, refused - gross. so gross. but i couldn't resist.

-do it again, queens of the stone age - duh.

-catch my disease, ben lee - hahahahahahaha!!!!!!

-we are sleepyheads, belle and sebastian - so tired.

-good morning, girl, journey - wake up to this on ihome alarm clock.

...alternate final track: it ends tonight, all-american rejects - when i spot a jack johnson cd on the shelf when i'm looking over her shoulder during the nelly furtado track.