something needs to be different.

as i sat in the cardiology ward of the u of i hospital this last week with nary a non-octogenarian in sight (myself and staff not included), i silently agreed with the nice old man with whom i'd conversed about the perks of free waiting room coffee that i am, in fact, too young to have a heart problem. it's a bit of a blow to my masculinity that the scariest time of my life was not when i got chased down a narrow trail on the edge of a cliff in italy by a wild boar. nor was it when i woke up to a bear outside my tent in the tetons. nor the countless times tornadoes have touched down within a mile of where i've sat cowering under a flight of stairs. nope, all it took was a gentle walk to the bathroom, a heart rate jump from 70 to 140, and some sincere wondering if i would ever actually catch my breath again to make me more scared than i've ever been. good thing the doctor who slapped this heart monitor on me is two hours away and clearly didn't give a damn about my well being. his "take care of yourself" as he left the exam room was the most hollow, least 'heart'felt thing i've heard in a while.

a word on health care. mind, i don't have much room to complain about our country's health care system. i have to be honest and say that in the months leading up to last november, i spent exactly zero time researching the two candidates' health care plans. i voted obama, and from the half-'heart'ed attempts i make at following current events, it seems his plan for our health is a bit of a debacle, so maybe i voted wrong. then again, all politicians are inherently corrupt anyway, leaving personal character as the only thing to base our vote upon, and in my opinion, obama is less of a shithead than mccain. which is by no means saying he's the heal-all demigod that the "leftys" would have you think. then again, all politicians are merely pawns in a grand scheme put together by the federal reserve and (arguably) the new world order to make the rich and powerful infinitely richer and more powerful, buying politicians (obama, et al.) along the way, thereby controlling the US government, thereby the world.

but ANYWAY, let's leave that sidebar where it belongs, on the side for the "crazies" to write blogs and make documentary films about that no one will ever take quite seriously. and also, i'm on a government-provided health plan anyway, so the swirling debate about lowering the cost of health care has exactly no effect on me at the moment. surgeries, tests, medications, exams? free. all it costs me is an always needed day off, a two hour drive to see dr. doesn't-give-a-damn-about-me, and your generously donated tax dollars. no, my beef isn't with the cost of health care. it's with the giving a damn, or in my case, the lack thereof. would it have killed the guy to spend an extra five minutes with me and explain what the hell i'm supposed to do with myself when my condition, which by the way, is generally suffered by 5% of the population over 65 (not exactly my age group), flares up and i start wondering if i'm gonna die? apparently it would have, cause all i got from that guy was a not-so-thinly-veiled hint that he thinks my family doctor in ames is a moron, and the aforementioned "take care of yourself." now the nurses, of course, were all totally kickass and kind and caring and the like. quick fix - fewer doctors, more nurses. put that in your plan and smoke it, obama, just like that marlboro habit that the new world order said you could keep when you gave them your soul.

meantime, is it still the general medical consensus that red wine is good for the heart? cause i'm still pretty freaked out from tonight, one glass deep, and i've a mind to kill a couple bottles. takers?